Someday I'll be too old to get into trouble, right?
Except, except.. I admit it... Im 'risky' sometimes. It HAPPENS, right? The thrill of ignoring a rule that I think shouldn't goddamned matter..
So... apparently when Im too old for that non-chalance for rules, I'll be too old to get myself into pickles over stupid things?
Perhaps, perhaps... I mean, its not out of the QUESTION...
In other news... what ARE the other news?
O yeah, life is... ya know... its like... wonderful.
Really, easy and wonderful...
I have lots to complain about.. and I've been known to grumble even in the best situations (and smile during the worst) but... the reality is is that things are SO good... I am SO happy... I cringe looking over my shoulder wondering what boulder is coming for me.
This happiness is too wonderful!
I will be crushed as due payment!
Every good thing is connected to a bad thing... every bad thing, a good thing.
That usual uncertainty is what drives my finely balanced erraticism that I pretend people call 'charming'.
So where have I been that life is so blaringly... bizarrely wonderful?
Uh... its so good, I want to hide it from the world in a little box that I stroke surreptitiously in my pocket ALL THE TIME. I will call it 'my precious' and snarl at anyone who attempts to interrupt me.
Ok.. ok... its not THAT bad, but its close.
Last night, I opened one my bedside books... and a love note falls out.
This is the eighth such note I've found since Friday.
I've been seeing this wonderful man for nearly 3 years... much more seriously this last year... and instead of becoming distant, indifferent, cold, insensitive and mean... he doesn't do ANY of those things? In fact he continually gets... nicer? More thoughtful, warmer, more passionate...?
This is.. well, lets just say this is not what Im 'used to'.
This is lovely, as well as frightening. What can I say? When nice things are done for me within a romantic relationship, its presence is often connected to some character alibi for past/present/current 'mistakes'. Enough of that will make a girl run screaming from a bouquet of posies or call her most supportive friend when surprised with tickets to a show. "This is awful! He keeps being PERFECT! This is... a conundrum!"
But so far I can't find the downside of requited love with a person as honest as the day is long, romantically thoughtful in ways that I didn't think existed outside vintage French films, and whose eyes light up at the mention of visiting the library... or me. He watches Nova for fun, fixed my problematic alternator lickety-split, made dinner for me even at midnight and... remember... he left me love notes all over my books and house.. some of which are sexy nudges to learn advanced algebra (my nemesis)...
Uh.... you see why this is a problem, no?
No?
NO!?
Its plain as day!
I smile more, I read poetry, I sleep more and eat less.
Love, you dastardly bastardly rascal! How did you get in and make this whole place yours so EASILY?!
You're not satisfied with affection, with longing, with loving shared kindness... you gotta swoop me up with a lovely man who OBVIOUSLY read my personal cribnotes for a partner... and act like.. thats just the way it is?
Untrustable!
Its too wonderful!
Just... ya know... sayin'.
So, that's what I've been up to.
I moved from the crazy lady's abode... and we're all the better for it.
I've been head-over-buckets in love for quite some time.. and its only getting worse.
And right now Im watching an interview on CNN where Kevin Smith is being interviewed on the subject of bigotry and justice in America... and this was supposed to be tripe, but the problem with asking Kevin Smith a question... is he gives you real anwers.. and fat jokes. That is awesome.
I watch the news... too closely. Its a problem...
I am enjoying, "Science, Liberty and Peace" by Aldous Huxley way too much. Makes me want to read Einstein's collected letters again...
Makes me ache to read Gandhi's autobiography.
Im re-reading Ovid's "Art of Love", reading Inga Muscio's "Love: In Violent Times", reading Tom Robbin's "Another Sideshow Attraction", reading Scarlett Thomas' "The End of Mr. Y", reading Stephen Leacock's "Too Much College", reading Serviez's 'Lives of the Roman Empresses', reading "Sexual Life in Ancient Greece",...
I can't wait to get back to my old schedule of reading all day.
That is what Im going to do for awhile. Read. All. Day.
Break with naps.. food... sunshine...
Oh.. and get tutored in Algebra so college doesn't laugh at this little girl.
We'll see how the Summer goes.
When I have a car that travels places (I bought one... but it turns out it has only traveled to the mechanic so far...)
We'll see if there is a particularly upset note on my door when I get home.
*hope not*
And then?